Dear Parents and RTS veterans,
As we approach the end of the longest term of the academic year and reflect on all the hard work our young people have been doing, it continually amazes me how resilient and adaptable they are. Can you imagine as an adult being told you are to study ten different subjects each day, then go home and continue to study them, be expected to deliver numerous presentations, hit deadlines which are sometimes only a couple of days after being set? On top of this you go to clubs, take part in performances, have family commitments and somehow fit in a social life too? I think teenagers are awesome!
For the exam year clients I have, and my own daughter, these holidays are rather bittersweet because although they've been looking forward to a break, they have mocks as soon as they're back. It is common for us to start telling ourselves unhelpful stories whenever life gets uncomfortable and this is a time when those 'gremlins' show up for our young people to say things like...
'You're not working hard enough.'
'You're a failure.'
'You should have done more revision by now.'
You need to be working harder.'
'What's the point? You'll never get good grades anyway.'
Do any of these sound familiar? I'm sure we've all experienced negative soundtracks like this and our young people are getting the same pressurised internal voices. What a lot of us don't realise though is that we're not the only ones feeling like this, and the temptation is to internalise our worries, keep them to ourselves, try to ignore the voices, distract ourselves with social media or Netflix or gaming.
It's definitely worth checking in with your teen to see how they're feeling and opening up a conversation about how we all tell ourselves mean things. By normalising talking about feelings, our teens are more likely to open up to us.
When our gremlins show up, it's key to remember this is only a primitive survival response to an uncommon situation. Revising for exams is not an everyday natural event - it stretches the comfort zone and that feels - well - uncomfortable!
If your child is feeling the stress/ dread of upcoming exams, these ideas might help turn those feelings of anxiety into excitement, and overwhelm into confidence:
1. Make a list of allllll the negative statements you are telling yourself - however ridiculous they might sound out loud.
Let it all out!
2. Assess the truth to your statements. The likelihood is most of them (if not all) are untrue. If there are some true statements, set manageable goals to overcome these challenges.
3. Turn those negative statements into positive affirmations. For example:
"I'm not good enough" becomes "I am enough."
"I'm a failure" becomes "I am successful."
Although we all have a huge number of negative thoughts that show up every day, the power of intentionally positive thinking outweighs the negative EVERY TIME!
4. Pattern interrupter. Step - away - from - the - study - book! The best way to break a negative pattern of thinking or behaviour is to literally change your environment and actions whenever you feel yourself slipping back to your old ways.
When your teen starts to get anxious, overwhelmed, starts to crash into a loop of self-sabotage, encourage them to get outside, have a snack, change the activity. It'll do wonders!
5. Get back into a positive cycle. Now you've been over the negative statements, turned them into positive ones, broken the negative pattern and had a break, set some SMART goals, think of a nice reward for completing each goal (not money - more like a nice snack or screen time), and watch your teen get on with the day feeling relaxed and engaged.
If you haven't already, book in for a complimentary Discovery Call with me here to see how I can help you and your child:
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