When I was a kid, my family often went to theatre after parties as my dad was an actor. Where my brother would be pushed to say hello to people, I was happily chatting away to anyone who would listen. My parents once lost me and after a short search discovered me with Molly Sugden in her dressing room trying on wigs.
Everyone in my family knew that I loved social occasions – birthday parties, family get-togethers, going out for dinner or to the theatre. I was taught from a young age how to speak publicly - in church and assembly. I spent a lot of time in the classroom with my mother, watching her teach and helping out.
I learned how to talk to people, present myself, give a firm handshake – all the things that helped me to always have some form of employment; whether serving drinks, caring for the elderly, or retail.
When I went into teaching, I was already pretty confident when it came to projecting my voice across a classroom and holding the attention of a group of young people.
I think this is why it took such a long time for me to work out that I am actually a huge introvert.
I couldn’t figure out how I could happily whip up an off-the-cuff series of activities for 60 teenagers when the school was hit with a nasty case of Norovirus and most the staff fell ill, but struggle with giving a presentation to a small group of adults or go to a party where I didn’t know many people.
The answer is simple. When something is regular and familiar, it becomes part of our comfort zone. When we do something out of the ordinary – whether that’s standing on a stage in front of three thousand people, or phoning a friend’s house phone instead of texting, it feels icky! Understanding those feelings, honouring them, and gently pushing ourselves with compassion, is how we step into growth mindset. And when we do that habitually – we become unstoppable!
Anxiety crept up on me more and more as I got older whenever I had to go somewhere new, find a conference, make phone calls to clients etc, and I tried to ignore my feelings – pushing them aside and putting on an extrovert’s smile – for fear of showing ‘weakness’.
And you know what? It didn’t work! And the more I denied my feelings and felt ashamed of my introversion, the more anxious and stressed I became!
I began to deflect compliments and self-deprecate.
“Oh, you love my sweater? It’s just a second hand one from a charity shop”
Without realising, I had developed a seriously detrimental cycle of negativity, and it was going to take a lot of unpicking to turn these habits around and learn to embrace myself as an ambitious introvert.
Maybe you resonate with that feeling of being half ambitious, and half “DON’T LOOK AT ME.”
In terms of mindset blocks, it could be related to something like “It’s not safe for me to be seen” or around old memories of being called a show-off.
You might know that I work with many teenagers who exhibit patterns of anxiety. It’s a HUGE deal these days, and particularly after COVID-19 turned our worlds upside-down. Having experienced these feelings myself, my young clients can really feel they’re being heard. I really ‘see’ them, and helping others to turn their negative cycles into positive ones is literally the BEST!
You may have also heard me talking about how 99% of issues my clients complain of are confidence related – whether it’s to do with focus, drive, making friends, communication, organisation or a whole host of other things.
I have learned the hard way that denying our feelings only makes things worse, and thanks to my Bodymind training, I know the importance of exploring these feelings with my clients. We don’t have to limit ourselves with imposed identities. You can be an extrovert AND be happy in your own company, and you can be an introvert AND sociable.
Maybe you’re hiding out too... You might be ignoring opportunities because you don’t feel “ready”, are waiting to lose some weight, or for the stars to align.
This year, I’m challenging you to step up too - but it doesn’t have to be all big and dramatic. You don’t have to do it perfectly.
For my business, 2022 is all about simplicity and focus. Being crystal clear with how I can help teenagers and young adults.
Like, you don’t have to hit all of your life goals this year, ok? You don’t have to help everyone with everything (been there, done that, didn’t even get a t-shirt).
I'm so excited to now be offering my new 18-25 package.
And seriously, if you haven’t worked on leaning into your feelings yet, it’s only a matter of time before you hit a major life plateau. Mindset blocks (where you actively resist your intuition, are scared of exploring your feelings, and sabotage yourself) are really common.
For today - reflect on where you’re hiding out - whether it’s literally in your home, work or in other ways. It’s our time to show up for ourselves and our families.
Charli xx
P.S Parents - Have you booked in for a complimentary Discovery Call yet? Find out how I can help you and your teen here:
Comments